...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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