he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
