Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
