my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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