Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
