GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
