alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
