I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
