dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
