ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
