That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
