i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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