my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
