i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want to make out with him forever
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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