here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
