We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
