ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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