I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
