dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
