from now on my penis is your penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
