Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
