halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
