i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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