what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
