i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
