saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I would ride that face into the sunset
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
