That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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