May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
