The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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