Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
