I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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