as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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