OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
