He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
