I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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