I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am midnight drunk by noon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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