can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
