FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
