i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
