i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
