Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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