I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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