I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
