hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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