I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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