i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
