So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
