So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
