you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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