I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
