i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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