Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can I color on your dick again?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
