TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
